9 sentences that kill self-esteem in children and 6 sentences to remedy
Self-esteem is the immune system against the aggression of others. According to Zimmerman it is one of the fundamental elements to be able to exploit one’s creativity in life. If self-esteem supports us, we can suggest innovation to the world, otherwise we can at best be excellent executors of the ideas of others.
Self-esteem is built as a child. Just as mom’s milk provides the antibodies needed to build the baby’s immune system, mom and dad’s words build her self-esteem instead.
This is why it is important to avoid the wrong ones.
9 sentences that kill children’s self-esteem
Parents for children are like gods whose words weigh like boulders. Just a child is expected from the cold, germs or dangers, it should also be protected from bad communication.
# 1 You are stupid!
A sentence. The feeling of the child is that of having taken a bad mark and the fear arises that the feeling will repeat itself.
# 2 If you do this I don’t love you anymore.
A child is too young to take responsibility for behaviors that make him unloved. The anxiety to please grows in him and the foundations are laid for a passive attitude in life.
# 3 Forget it, I’ll do it …
Generally a feeling of inadequacy in the child. If I fail someone else will take my place …
# 4 You are not capable.
This lapidary sentence cancels any possibility of redemption for the child. Faced with his inability, he must give up.
# 5 The other kids are better than you.
The vice of confronting others is one of the main causes of dissatisfaction in life and it starts just like that.
# 6 Your brother doesn’t get a tantrum.
Brothers and sisters should be allies in life. In this way the foundations are laid to make them adversaries.
# 7 Cry for nothing.
In this way it makes him feel inadequate towards his own pain.
# 8 I don’t have time now.
These words most of all diminish the importance of the child. He will feel invisible to the eyes of the most important people for him: mom and dad.
# 9 You will never succeed.
If we teach a child not to try in the important things for him, we should not expect him to do it in the important things for us.
6 sentences to cultivate the child’s self-esteem
Children do not have to satisfy the emotional needs of the parents. Mum and dad must relate to him without the illusion of facing an equal relationship. The grammar of parent-child communication is different from that used among adults.
A good starting point is to use these 7 sentences.
# 1 I love you.
A child who is not loved does not learn to love. So it is good to remind him often in words. It will make him feel precious.
# 2 I am proud of you.
Self-esteem feeds on approval. Parents do not mind watering their child’s pride with these words and tomorrow they will be able to reap wonderful fruits.
# 3 I was wrong, sorry.
It is essential for the child to discover that even the gods are wrong. I help him make friends with the error, not to stigmatize him and to retry tomorrow after having committed it.
# 4 I forgive you.
Think of your mistake. The last thing you would like to remember about the mistake is the shame of having committed it or someone’s forgiveness?
# 5 I’m listening to you.
In this way the child feels he is important. Although small, what he says has a value.
# 6 This responsibility is yours.
Growing up means learning to take responsibility and it is essential that children start from an early age. In an assertive climate where mistakes are tolerated, responsibilities are not a problem.