Can I blindly trust my partner? | VIDEO
On the Psyche and well-being group Simona writes:
Do you blindly trust the person next to you?
The theme of trust is very important because it is one of the three pillars on which love stories are based.
The other two are symmetry and generativity. Symmetry because a very unbalanced couple, where for example a relationship of emotional dependence is established, will never be a healthy couple. Generativity because the couple who do not want to generate anything slowly moves away. Generating is not just about having children. Generating means making projects together, living together, buying a house, but also, more simply, planning a holiday. These are all moments when you and she put yourself out there to do something together.
Let’s go back to trust, simona’s request attracted the comments of almost a thousand people. The answers are varied but we can see two currents of thought.
On the one hand, there are those who take trust in the couple for granted. He considers it a necessary and basic condition for the existence of love, like Alessandro: “If you don’t trust it is not the case to be together”, or like Domi: “If I didn’t trust I wasn’t with him” or like Umberto : “Let go instead of carrying on a hypocritical story” or like Agnes: “If trust fails, I leave it”.
Agnes’s comment is very interesting because it implies a passive approach to love. “If trust fails …”. Trust is not like the electric current that they cut us off because they do street work. It does not fail! Trust can be betrayed or not granted. In both cases it depends on us and our behaviors. If we betray the trust of those who gave it to us we are assholes and even a bit stupid, because we had something precious and we threw it away. If, on the other hand, we fail to trust others, we are very unfortunate, because we will spend our lives fighting the whole world, imagining that everyone around us is plotting to ruin us. Lack of trust makes us very lonely.
Joseph writes: “I don’t trust anyone”.
With such an assumption it is very difficult to build a solid and satisfying love story. How do you build a symmetrical relationship if you don’t trust your partner? Sooner or later you will end up becoming dependent on him, that is, you will try to beg for his love because without trust you live in fear that it may all end suddenly. Or you will become the detached one, who can give up on the other at any time, but not because you have learned the value of solitude, the healthy one, but because you have not learned the beauty of being with others.
If these are the premises, betraying even the third pillar of love, generativity, is inevitable. Who would build something with someone without trusting him?
Camillo replies to simona by saying: “You don’t trust because you are insecure”.
This sentence is very confusing. Those who do not trust are insecure about the behavior of another person, but it does not mean that they are insecure about themselves. But it is not true that those who do not trust others are insecure.
One can be extremely sure of himself, of his means, of his abilities and of his merits and in any case not trust others.
Self-esteem is an antidote to other people’s idiocy, not their betrayal. Self-esteem has nothing to do with trust, because trust is an expectation. I can be a very confident person without expecting anything from others. On the contrary, I can be filled with doubtful anxieties and fears, but find refuge in others.
Expectations are the result of our experiences, and those who have been betrayed in trust will find it hard to trust again.
Just as Eve writes: “Unfortunately the negative experiences of the past, love or even just family, affect our ability to trust people. as a betrayed woman, I can no longer be calm with any partner “.
The refusal of eva is understandable, to overcome it requires a lot of work and it is not always possible. Definitely worth a try because trusting is beautiful. It releases the tensions of life and projects you into a dimension where you are stronger because you are not alone.
Please note, trusting does not mean being dependent. If you trust and then tomorrow he or she is gone, you don’t fall because you still have yourself.
The hardest thing in the world is choosing the person to trust. But if you succeed, the reward is happiness!