Coronavirus and self-redefinition
It may seem paradoxical and yet the “house arrest” wanted by the coronavirus hides an opportunity that, for better or worse, can be accepted.
Indeed, restricted spaces correspond to different times, in the sense that by reducing the living space we are forced to face a time that undermines habits, restricts the possibilities of action and extends the duration of having to look into the eyes the silence of the void that surrounds us.
The fact is that this void, so feared because it is an indicator of change, is nothing more than that part of us, that shadow to which we attribute all the negative characteristics that are unacceptable to us, but which represent the activators of the questioning.
Daily habits are alienating in some ways. Everyday life forces us to do constant work managed by automatisms. All this allows us not to connect with our emotions and therefore the mind is free to fantasize while the body acts automatically.
Now the process is reversed. I am forced not to do or do differently and therefore I am in a position to read what is wrong with myself , in my relationship with the partner or in the management of the children.
Someone has the opportunity to live a prolonged time in contact with their children and thus be able to deal with rusts and disagreements that for so long, too long, had been shelved.
It is the time to live in presence what for many had been delegated to others: school teachers, gym instructors, friendships, etc. Now it is a question not of spending time doing something with the children on the weekend but of LIVING time together with all the necessary conflicts.
Maybe it’s time to hone that ability that is usually put aside to make your voice resonate better: it’s about listening. Knowing how to listen is a difficult practice because you want to put your Ego aside.
It means making yourself “small” for a longer or shorter time in order to facilitate the expression of the other.
What often makes the relationship difficult, both educational and sentimental, is precisely the difficulty in listening. On the other hand, feeling not understood generates closures and a sense of distance and the onset of emotions such as anger and sadness. Being empathetic listening means being able to grasp the other’s experience , his reasons, without making the judgment intervene.
But to succeed in this, it is necessary to carve out an interior space necessary to try to loosen some psychological “hinges” that force you to remain still on certain positions and inclinations.
One way to regenerate oneself may be to try to suspend the judgment towards oneself, towards wanting to be efficient at any cost. It is a matter of not judging oneself if one gives up control over the environment and others around for a while. Giving in to the need for control can mean saying goodbye to anxiety, fear and panic, for example .
Keep away from having to feel up to a sense of duty for a while. Here, all this can help not to get caught in the grip of frustration and resignation.
Impotence and frailty can be mitigated simply by accepting the fact that we cannot be what we want. It is a matter of accepting oneself by abandoning the ideal of the ego, that is, the need to be.
Even having to sacrifice yourself always for your children, for your partner, for your elderly parents, over time can create the illusion of being able to be happy with yourself by putting aside spaces, emotions and personal times in favor of others. Over time anger and aggression emerge . The tendency to want to always be good, not to indulge oneself, not to allow the “luxury” of disappointing others can create obsessions related to the desire for perfection.
Once you have reckoned with these inclinations (from which we generally shy away because changes always frighten) it is possible to find that balance between the internal parts so important to favor the reception of the other and an authentic listening.
I believe that in these difficult moments it is possible to accept those uncomfortable parts of us, trying to see the indications for a possible change.
We generally tend to remove inconvenience in the illusion of being able to live better . In reality we increase the conflict between us as we are and what we would like to be.
Legitimizing anger, disappointment or sadness means giving yourself the opportunity to communicate in an authentic way what we feel towards others.
An empathic listening then requires an authentic desire to listen but also to be heard. All this can only start from oneself, from the change in one’s way of being through listening to oneself and unconditional acceptance . The most frequent mistake is to think that it is the external reality that has to change giving us the illusion that over time the children or the partner will understand.
In reality, what results are frustration and disappointed expectations.
There are specific bioenergetic practices designed to encourage contact with your own breathing and the progressive discovery of all those tensions and muscle blocks that prevent you from becoming aware of specific emotions.
Holding back emotions prevents the person from becoming aware of himself authentically and progressively distances himself from himself, triggering a process of emotional anesthesia . Perhaps emotions related to anger and sadness tend to remain alive, however preventing others from emerging.
This is why there is the possibility of following bio-energetic psycho-emotional training online, in order to promote relaxation, self-awareness and self-expression, through gesture, breath and guided fantasies.