Gift psychology: accepting a gift or rejecting it?“A caval donato does not look in the mouth” how true is this proverb? Well, it depends on the circumstances.
Society has always taught us to smile even when we have nothing to smile about, to show ourselves happy when we are sad, to hide our negative feelings in favor of positive ones. Of course, it remains that in some situations it is much better to think positive than to bask in your pain .
But in front of a gift we don’t like what are the internal sensations we feel? The first, most of all, is of profound disappointment towards those who gave us the gift , especially if it is a person dear to us who should know us very well, it is like a real failure, we think: “But how do you not know that I could never like this? How could you ever remotely imagine that this object could satisfy me? Then you are not as careful as you should, you do not know me as I thought . “
Here, this is what is usually thought, but it is not said not to hurt the feelings of the other, but by keeping silent, we are hurting ourselves a little. Love and / or affection brings us back immediately from this sense of disappointment and downsizing what happened , after all, objects are not the ones to build a relationship.
So what is the best way to go? Be honest and change a gift with something that we could use more avoiding wasting money and using something we like or keep silent, keep the gift, do not express our frustration of not having been satisfied and understood and do not use or use it without pleasure ?
There is no exact answer, everyone chooses the path that is best consistent with their own way of being, who receives a refusal against, must never take offense because it is objects, not feelings, so you can change the gift together so as to get to know the other’s tastes better, can be an opportunity to stroll, get to know each other better, maybe the next time we hit the right gift.
Giving a gift to some people is an (almost) impossible mission
However, there are particularly picky people to whom giving a gift is truly an impossible mission, in those cases the donor will have to do an even more tiring job in sorting the coveted gift, aware that the refusal will be highly probable , therefore failure must not be a reason of confrontation or disappointment, but to be accepted serenely.
Let’s analyze more deeply who are the subjects who always refuse the gifts of others. The subjects who almost never appreciate gifts are highly insecure and / or very rigid personalities. Insecure because not having personally chosen the object already has a disadvantage in itself because:
- it was not possible to choose between the various possibilities;
- it was not possible to reflect on which was the most convenient and right object for itself.
Rigid because if you don’t choose the one that strictly suits your needs, the gift is definitely wrong . They are people who need constant and constant confirmation, the psychiatrist Vittorio Guidano would call them “horse personality” or personalities that define themselves through the judgment of the other .
These people need constant confirmation that the other is the right person, who loves them and who could never make a mistake as a gift, because this would demonstrate a lack of compatibility and above all a lack of attention from the other , destroying the ideal of perfect partner who could never go wrong.
Then there are instead those personalities to whom everything is fine, they appreciate anything because they are able to go beyond the material value of the gift, who do not need affective confirmation from the gifts, who put the gift in a drawer to get dust, because the ‘important is the thought, and those who smile pleasantly to those who donate … but then in a separate location talk with another acquaintance.
What is more correct: to be false to indulge the other or unconditionally accept any gift? It is right to be true to yourself, not to pretend, not to demonstrate what you are not just to please the other, also because our facial expressions are there ready to always tell the truth, therefore we do not create a useless conflict and it is always us themselves, giving the right weight to things, without making unnecessary dramas, meeting and treasuring the present, because the present is always a gift.
The important thing in interpersonal relationships is to get contaminated, a gift is still a memory, a memory that we often wear, is to bring a piece of that person with you at all times or to remember that person whenever we put a couple for example of earrings or even of that vacation made with that friend there. Never be too drastic with others and with yourself .
Remember, as the poet Khalil Gibran says: “You give very little when you give your goods. It is when you give yourself that you really give. “