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Io, tu e gli altri: la gelosia nel poliamore

Io, tu e gli altri: la gelosia nel poliamore

Nelle relazioni consensualmente non monogame (CNM) esiste un accordo aperto sul fatto che uno, entrambi o tutti gli individui coinvolti possano avere anche altri partner sessuali e/o romantici. C’è spazio per la gelosia nel poliamore?

 

Advertising message The term polyamory is used to describe a form of ethical or consensual non-monogamy (Anapol, 1997; Easton & Liszt, 1997) which provides for the possibility of having more than one intimate, sexual or sentimental relationship at the same time (Haritaworn, Lin & Klesse, 2006) with the consent of all current and potential partners (Sheff, 2005; Borys, 2006). From this description, according to Anapol (2010), polyamory appears as a relational orientation due to the fact that it designates a specific way of building a relationship. In consensually non-monogamous relationships (CNM) there is an open agreement that one, both or all individuals involved in a romantic relationship may also have other sexual and / or romantic partners.

Although the term polyamory indicates permission to engage in sexual or romantic relationships with more than one partner, the nature of these relationships and how individuals approach each other can vary from a person who relates to multiple people, to members of a couple who relate to a third party, to two couples in a mutual relationship, to networks of people involved in various configurations (Sheff, 2013; Pines & Aronson, 1981). Polyamory encompasses many different styles of intimate involvement, however, most individuals identified as polyamorous report having two partners (Wosick-Correa, 2010) and one of the most commonly discussed polyamorous relationship configurations is characterized by a distinction between primary relationships and secondary (Veaux, 2016; Veaux, Hardy & Gill, 2014). In this configuration, there is a primary relationship between two partners who typically share a family (live together) and finances, who are married (if marriage is desired) and / or who have or are raising children (if children are desired). ) (Klesse, 2006). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013). there is a primary relationship between two partners who typically share a family (live together) and finances, who are married (if marriage is desired) and / or who have or are raising children (if children are desired) (Klesse, 2006). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013). there is a primary relationship between two partners who typically share a family (live together) and finances, who are married (if marriage is desired) and / or who have or are raising children (if children are desired) (Klesse, 2006). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013). who are married (if marriage is desired) and / or who have or are raising children (if children are desired) (Klesse, 2006). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013). who are married (if marriage is desired) and / or who have or are raising children (if children are desired) (Klesse, 2006). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013). A secondary relationship is often made up of partners who live in separate families and do not share finances (Klesse, 2006). In general, secondary partners are given relatively less time, energy and priority in a person’s life than primary partners. It is important to emphasize that not all polyamorous subjects have primary relationships with other secondary partners and some categorically reject the hierarchical distinctions implicated in primary-secondary relationships (Sheff, 2013).

A common question that polyamorous individuals receive from monogamous peers about their identity and relationships is: “Aren’t you jealous?” (Deri, 2015). In response to the negative concept of jealousy perpetuated by monogamous culture (Ritchie & Barker, 2006), polyamorous communities develop responses and teach their members how to deal with jealousy within their relationships (Wolfe, 2003). The polyamorous community teaches prosocial relationship management strategies (Conley & Moors, 2014) and the way in which polyamorous individuals conceptualize and communicate jealousy can also reveal productive methods to manage feelings of jealousy in relational contexts.

Jealousy is an emotion, often considered negative, that an individual feels when he perceives that his love relationship is threatened by other individuals (VadenBos, 2007; D’Urso, 2013). Jealousy is a complex construct that includes multiple emotional experiences, thoughts, assessments, psychological and behavioral manifestations (Zammuner & Zorzi, 2012). Jealousy is an emotion composed of multiple primary emotions such as fear, sadness and anger, but it is also made up of many other emotional experiences such as shame, insecurity, anxiety about loss, humiliation, hatred for the rival (Zammuner & Fischer, 1995) . A research on the primary emotions of jealousy states that fear derives from uncertainty, sadness from the loss of the benefits of the relationship and from the decrease in self-esteem, while anger is mainly caused by loss of possession and by any lies and deceptions (Mathes, Adams & Davies, 1985). The thoughts that accompany the experiences of jealousy can be ruminations generated by doubt and suspicion or by self-pity (D’Urso, 2013). Pfeiffer and Wong (1989) divided jealousy into three components: cognitive jealousy which refers to the doubts and suspicions of a possible partner’s infidelity; emotional jealousy that includes feelings that arouse situations in which the partner engages in behaviors that could threaten the relationship; behavioral jealousy that includes reactions to a possible partner’s infidelity. The thoughts that accompany the experiences of jealousy can be ruminations generated by doubt and suspicion or by self-pity (D’Urso, 2013). Pfeiffer and Wong (1989) divided jealousy into three components: cognitive jealousy which refers to the doubts and suspicions of a possible partner’s infidelity; emotional jealousy that includes feelings that arouse situations in which the partner engages in behaviors that could threaten the relationship; behavioral jealousy that includes reactions to a possible partner’s infidelity. The thoughts that accompany the experiences of jealousy can be ruminations generated by doubt and suspicion or by self-pity (D’Urso, 2013). Pfeiffer and Wong (1989) divided jealousy into three components: cognitive jealousy which refers to the doubts and suspicions of a possible partner’s infidelity; emotional jealousy that includes feelings that arouse situations in which the partner engages in behaviors that could threaten the relationship; behavioral jealousy that includes reactions to a possible partner’s infidelity. cognitive jealousy that refers to the doubts and suspicions of a possible partner’s infidelity; emotional jealousy that includes feelings that arouse situations in which the partner engages in behaviors that could threaten the relationship; behavioral jealousy that includes reactions to a possible partner’s infidelity. cognitive jealousy that refers to the doubts and suspicions of a possible partner’s infidelity; emotional jealousy that includes feelings that arouse situations in which the partner engages in behaviors that could threaten the relationship; behavioral jealousy that includes reactions to a possible partner’s infidelity.

Advertising message In an interesting qualitative research, Rubinsky (2018) investigated the strategies that polyamorous individuals use in the management of jealousy. Polyamorous communities consistently define open and honest communication not only as a common basic practice (Barker, 2005), but place it at the center of polyamorous identity (Wosick-Correa, 2010). A particularly relevant communicative phenomenon for polyamorous individuals is jealousy. Jealousy is important to study because the emotional experience and communicative expression of romantic jealousy affect relationship quality. Within heterosexual and gay and lesbian monogamous relationships, cognitive and emotional jealousy are negatively associated with relational quality. Since polyamorous relationships emphasize communication (Barker, 2005), the way polyamorous individuals express jealousy can positively or negatively influence their relationships. In romantic relationships, jealousy is a perceived threat to the exclusive romantic nature of the relationship (Bringle & Boebinger, 1990). For polyamorous individuals, in whom the nature of their relationship is often non-exclusive and the other third party may or may not pose a threat, further research may be needed to understand their conceptualization of romantic jealousy. In particular, for polyamorous people, it may be necessary to contextualize the concept of romantic jealousy through the understanding of compersion. Compersion, a term that has emerged in the polyamorous community to describe positive feelings following a partner’s happiness derived from another partner, can affect the degree to which polyamorous individuals experience the feeling of anxiety typically associated with jealousy (Wolfe, 2003). Polyamorous individuals experience jealousy in ways that may be different from monogamous individuals and handle different challenges in conceptualizing and communicating jealousy to their partners. Aumer and colleagues (2014) argue that relationship goals can be important in making sense of emotions like jealousy that will have a positive or negative impact on a relationship. Intimacy and loyalty also affect how individuals understand jealousy and can operate differently in polyamorous relationships.

Wosick-Correa (2010) argues that genuine loyalty, a certain form of commitment among people who identify as polyamorous, could characterize the way polyamorous individuals express needs and boundaries. Compared to monoamorous men and women, polyamorous individuals seem to show higher levels of intimacy (Morrison, Beaulieu, Brockman & Beaglaoich, 2013).

In particular, Conley and Moors (2014) address the role of communication in polyamory, the nature of negotiating the satisfaction of needs and the increase in share capital. Their study shows that people with multiple consensual sexual partners may also need to handle the emotional experience of jealousy discursively in ways they consider constructive for their relationships. The literature on jealousy, compersion and polyamorous intimacy identifies jealousy as an emotional experience potentially full of identity that can exist in a tension with the ideal of compersion. Jealousy is therefore presented as difficult and stimulating, but manageable (Deri, 2015), however, the way in which the polyamorous community conceptualizes jealousy is still to be explored. The ultimate goal must not be to change the behavior of your partner, but to feel validated so that you can get support in its management, through a probable renegotiation of the relational boundaries based on the needs expressed. In fact, communicating one’s jealousy to the partner positively correlates with relationship satisfaction also in monogamous relationships (Guerrero et al., 1995).