Is it possible to maintain friendship with an ex?
Not all love stories are forever, “love is eternal while it lasts”. And the finished love stories are a good gym to improve ourselves in subsequent relationships , if we do not learn from them it can unfortunately happen that in each subsequent relationship we carry the worst of us with us; aftermath of low self-esteem, aggression not correctly channeled, a sense of frustration and helplessness, a visceral need to be accepted …
The strength of love lies in knowing how to fit, as in a thousand-piece puzzle with an abstract image, every piece in the right place so that all our weaknesses reach the appropriate size without crashing into the insecurities of the other .
This joint is a difficult and decidedly challenging game, not everyone has the patience to wait, to make a mistake without getting angry and throwing everything away, without getting nervous. Not everyone has the attention to scrupulously observe the image to be completed.
Only the strongest and most tenacious are able to complete that puzzle, driven by the desire (love for the partner, desire for well-being as a couple and not just individually) to complete a goal.
But when this puzzle is not completed and one does not want to take any responsibility, one accuses the other of not having worked hard enough or of having obstructed, in one way or another, the conclusion. The anger towards the other arises for not having fit perfectly as we wanted, often and willingly without questioning ourselves and without realizing at all that that puzzle is done by four hands , so if even one hand fails, the work it will inevitably be slower and harder to finish.
The anger towards the partner is not overcome and sometimes lasts a lifetime, especially in those subjects who do not admit their mistakes and consequently are not able to forgive those made by others.
Is it possible to maintain friendship with an ex?
The situation gets worse when neither partner recognizes that they have responsibilities in the failure of a relationship, there a real bomb is created , ready to explode whenever you meet.
In those cases, no, friendship is not possible, because every match turns into a ring in which every accusation corresponds to a punch in the stomach. Thus anger and anger intensify, creating resentment, frustration, a feeling of not being understood by the other that obscure all the positive moments spent together and leaving only a negative memory of a relationship that will inevitably have had something beautiful, albeit perhaps small.
Friendship between people who have loved each other becomes an excellent resource to be exploited for the benefit of one’s psychological well-being, since if there has been love in the past, we can pleasantly keep something good.
Including that you are no longer able to carry on a relationship of love because for example there is an unshared planning or for work reasons you are forced to stay away or there are aspects that we just cannot accept of the other , then we have a good basis for creating a solid relationship of friendship.
If we have chosen that person, just that one, among many, it means that something good to give and leave us almost certainly has it, so why lose it? It can represent for us a point of reference, a phone call to make to know how our lives are going, a support in a moment of despair, but also a concrete help if in difficulty.
If love is really over and there is the awareness on both sides that together we are not well, a constructive relationship based on respect and trust can only arise.
To reach this level of maturity, however , we need time , we must give ourselves and allow ourselves time; when a relationship ends we are invaded by a multitude of positive and negative feelings that we do not know how to manage, we have to face a bereavement that ends in resignation.
Resigning oneself is a gesture of great courage and conscience, one has the strength to let the other go to his life, to a life in which we are no longer his travel companion.
Resigning oneself means having the strength to remain alone and to realize that the road ahead in our existence needs someone who makes us breathe better and does not break us down at every climb we meet; it means accepting to walk alone for a while with the possibility of remaining alone even throughout our journey, but better alone than with someone who tires you.
After resignation there is the rebirth of oneself, with the rediscovery of our inner qualities and until friendship resumes it is not at all possible to maintain a strong closeness: a flashback is only rarely functional, indeed it extends the long and tiring process of overcoming the loss.
Each of us has his own times, there is no precise duration; a source of great audacity is to respect the other’s times, not to hurry, to wait, only afterwards will it be possible, if truly strong and aware, to save a friendship that can last a lifetime.