My secret to being light and happy
Even if in an unconscious way, we usually make several mistakes or acquire habits that prevent us from living as we really would like. And I am certainly not referring to the mistakes of the past but to some behaviors that prevent us from living peacefully and in peace with ourselves.
How many times have we wasted precious time thinking about appearances: do you like the way I dress? Do my colleagues gossip about me? Did the neighbors notice that I argued with my partner? What will my mother think if I decide to move house?
Know your role in life
On so many occasions, we are conditioned by what others think or say about us. It seems like everyone likes it or maybe looks like better people are our main goals.
This behavior is mostly unconscious and often comes from the past: in childhood we learned that with engaging behavior you get more! Or, we have remained fixed in an adolescent narcissism that asks for continuous confirmation from the outside world, without any of these however sediments in a true self-esteem. And this need to please at all costs sometimes turns into a real obsession.
When I was a teenager I also wanted to appear at all costs; I was always trying to show off… at school, with friends, in a sporting activity but sometimes what an effort. Oh yes, having to be careful about how I moved, what I said, not to contradict anyone but at a certain point I worked out that living constantly with this worry was becoming really deleterious and exhausting. I realized that pretending to be who I really am not, certainly does not help me to accept myself and overcome my insecurities, quite the contrary!
This sort of emotional survival has led me to sacrifice the quality of my life. I asked myself: can I do something concrete to get out of this dysfunctional situation? After all, it is about taking off a mask that takes away a lot of energy, lightheartedness and authenticity.
Let’s try to take a closer look and, with great honesty, look for the reasons that are driving us away from the life we would like
Sometimes, by dint of adapting to the needs of others, we end up not knowing what ours are. Let us orient ourselves more on ourselves, on our interiority. We learn to listen more to our emotions, our thoughts. Being more in touch with them will help us to have the answer ready to express ourselves at the right moment.
As Bertrand Russell said “Enthusiasm is for life what hunger is for food”, so to feel fully satisfied, we must learn to get excited, even about the smallest things.
Now I want a good life inside, not outside
Let’s be honest: Does appearing for what we are not really feel good? Does pretending to be who we really aren’t really happy?
I’m sorry to disappoint you but this attitude is just a huge waste of energy, because what we feel inside doesn’t change, because our frustrations remain, our insecurities remain, our discomforts remain!
Everyone has their problems, we are imperfect! We make mistakes, and to learn from them, you need to accept them. If, on the other hand, we try to hide them, we will live a life full of frustration and unhappiness. Do we really want to sacrifice our well-being to keep up appearances?
Stop worrying about the judgment of your neighbor or a family member. People always tend, especially if they project aspects of them that they reject. What really matters is looking for what really makes us feel good. Even if this involves facing various fears, value judgments and criticisms that shouldn’t matter to us.
How to be light and happy
The time has come for a beautiful life inside. If you want to prioritize what you like, what makes you feel better, it is vital that you understand that thoughts go where you put your attention. In fact, learning to “shift” attention from one thought to another is the first step to feel lighter and more serene with yourself. Positive thoughts will come by themselves as you work within.
The less space you give to your fears and insecurities the more you get used to controlling your mind and creating conscious thoughts. But to do that you will need to reconnect to the most authentic part of you. So start to:
1) Abandon self-impositions
“Don’t laugh too hard”, “don’t jump from place to place”, “always keep your clothes clean”, “don’t rush”… There are some things we learned as children and that have left an important mark on us.
Even when we become adults, our childhood lives within us and inevitably manifests itself through unconscious attitudes that we have assimilated as children. For example, if we have been instructed to shut up, we probably have a hard time expressing our concepts.
So if we manage to leave these parts of us so deep that they block us, we will see a wonderful change happen in our life.
2) Understanding what we really want
Before we get depressed because everyone is judging us or trying to keep looking flawless, we should ask ourselves if we accept our desires or if, on the contrary, we are limiting ourselves.
For example: I want to get a divorce but I don’t do it for fear of what people will say. However, that’s what I want! I’m limiting myself, I don’t accept my decision, I don’t put what I want first.
So start prioritizing your decisions; you will find that people do not judge you as much as you thought or rather you can find that you do not care if they judge you or not. Among other things, it is well known that people tend to criticize even without knowledge of the facts, perhaps because they see reflected parts of themselves that they reject.
You have to think about yourself! Prioritize what you want, not what your judgmental side requires you to do. Because, in the end, it is you who have the helm of your life in hand; you cannot let yourself be guided by your beliefs and fears, much less by others. Of course you can’t give a purpose to all the things you do on a daily basis but you absolutely have to give a purpose to the worthy, the important things.
The important choices in your life must be guided by a specific purpose, by a defined goal. They can be the choice of work, the choice of a partner, the management of your physical and mental well-being, the choice of where to live, the choice of where to live, the choice of your home … ..
Before making the important choices in your life, ask yourself: “What do I want from this situation, what do I expect to achieve?”
Many people live their lives without having a clear direction, without being committed to something concrete and important.
There are people who work very hard every day, do a thousand things, also putting a lot of energy and with a lot of effort, but without wondering and knowing why they do it, without having a goal to achieve. They just do it!
To achieve your goals you must:
- decide what actions to do
- decide how to react to events.
How you react to these two choices will determine who you will be tomorrow.
“Who you will be and how you will become tomorrow depends on how you act and react today, it is the actions you take every day that determine what you will be tomorrow”
The formula is simple: today we are the result of decisions and actions made in the past, in the future we will be the result of decisions and actions made today.
Sometimes we are led to think that their future is already written, we believe we are “destined forever” to a certain type of life, both in the positive and in the negative. We think we always have to live with the usual problems and the usual sacrifices, or we feel sure that everything will always be fine. Nothing more wrong! Our future will never be the same as our present or our past.
Because the future is determined by how we think and act in the present, by our thoughts and our words today. Similarly to how our present was determined by our actions in the past.
Everything changes based on how you decide to use the opportunities that arise every day. The difference is YOU, how you decide to react to events, since only you are responsible for your life. For example, you love to travel but are afraid of driving, taking the train or plane. So you are precluding yourself from getting to know new places.
For example, I love the sea and especially the underwater world. I’ve always wanted to snorkel but the idea of putting on a mask and putting my head underwater terrified me. I have always envied the people who practice this activity, and I always thought that I could never fulfill this dream of mine. Yet I have succeeded.
Eight years ago I went to Rhodes with a friend to spend the summer holidays. I can’t tell you what exactly clicked, I just remember telling my friend to lend me her mask. After some hesitation I tried; I was terrified of having to put my head under water but I took courage … And after a few moments, I felt catapulted into a magical world; that marine world, full of fish, corals, colorful anemones … well, I must say that that world kidnapped me and since that time I have never stopped!
Of course, I could have started exploring the seabed earlier, how many beach holidays I have wasted… however, it is never too late, evidently in the previous years I was not yet ready to challenge my fear. You too, just like me a few years ago, will have fears that are limiting your dream, if you still can’t face them, you are not incapable, you are simply not ready yet. Armed with courage and patience but above all, armed with respect and esteem for yourself.
3) Grow and improve
At this point a concept is clear: it doesn’t matter what your current life situation is, it doesn’t matter where in your life path you are now, because you can always change. You can improve and grow if you become aware that you can be more, much more, than what you are now!
Satisfied people are those who are constantly trying to improve themselves, those who choose and decide what they want to do in life. The people who avoid adapting to the programs that others have defined for them, those who act to achieve what THEY have decided to be and to do.
“Each of us grows during life and his growth is guided by the continuous search for self-improvement. So you too must learn to ask for more from life, to think and desire bigger “
4) Let go of what you don’t need
The people you attract into your life are those who “vibrate” at your own frequency, which you resonate with and who you “need” at that moment. But nothing is forever , so too are the people who enter and leave your life. When this happens, you have to let go of people or situations that can no longer be a part of your life, without guilt or suffering.
5) Abandon the sense of guilt
How often do we accuse ourselves or feel judged by others? We must free ourselves from the sense of guilt that arises when we fall into the traps of the mind.
Even if you think you have a fault, give yourself the right to forgive yourself. It is the shortest way to developing more self-love and greater self-esteem.
“Esteem yourself and be able to understand that everything is perfect as it is, is a great leap forward to be able to feel good about yourself”
6) Never give up!
Even when everything seems impossible or useless to you, find the strength to hope and move forward. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and take nothing for granted even when everything looks ugly around you. Remember, it is in imperfection that beauty resides. Whatever happens ahead, don’t stop.
7) Search within
Insisting on looking beautiful in the eyes of the outside world is useless! What really matters is doing what keeps us in harmony with ourselves, even if it involves facing fears, failures and criticisms.
There’s a crack in everything, and that’s where the light comes in! Do not close yourself in front of a defeat or a criticism, open your soul and let in that positive part that every situation brings with it.
Each of us has a unique and special inner beauty… .. we just have to take a peek every day! So are you ready to look inside yourself?
ILLUSTRATION | PAOLA RATTAZZI