My wife left me: what to do?
After so many years together, years of love, sharing, habit, affection, years of joy and pain, accepting the end of marriage for those who are left behind is extremely traumatic, especially if love is still there.
Unfortunately, relationships don’t always last forever. Sometimes a couple goes through multiple obstacles by staying united in the face of adversity, and then disintegrating later for other reasons. The end of lasting love leaves a sense of bewilderment that can last even long.
The lives of the people who make up the couple have somehow overlapped each other over the years, in an intertwining difficult to free. After many years you lose a part of your identity that has become part of the couple’s intrinsic personality, so you don’t know each other without your partner. This creates the desire to return with the other, thanks to her I can find myself again but this is often an illusion.
What to do? How to survive the end of an important relationship?
Why did my wife leave me?
First, it is necessary to examine the finished relationship to understand the reasons for abandonment . A rather frequent situation is one in which, in spite of the evidence, the husband does not realize that the story is about to end: the man receives punctual signals of discomfort from his partner, but, distracted by the comfort zone, ignore them completely.
Even when he notices something, for example in the face of his wife’s explicit complaints, he makes a merchant’s ear: naively, he thinks that things will improve, that problems will solve themselves. That’s why so many husbands believe that everything happened suddenly when the woman, having reached the limit of endurance, declares that she wants to end the marriage.
Are you in a similar situation? The reasons why your wife left you can be of various kinds. Here are the most frequent:
- she felt neglected
- you were lazy or apathetic in the relationship
- you have been unfaithful
- she did not feel sufficiently appreciated
- no longer feels attraction towards you
- some of your attitudes have hurt and disappointed her
- has another
Understanding the deep reasons that prompted her to leave you is the first step in facing the end of a relationship . Sometimes marriage tends to disintegrate slowly due to apparently trivial reasons, which, added together, push the woman to leave.
My wife left me but I still love her
Your wife has decided to leave you, but is the love you feel for her stronger than ever? After investigating the causes of the break, it’s time to move on to the attack to find out if there are conditions to go back to making her feel in love with you.
It is not always an easy path. If your partner has made the decision to leave you, she has probably gone to the limit. Such a decision matures over time, disappointment after disappointment. Although you haven’t noticed, it is likely that she has gone through a long period of loneliness and unhappiness.
You have not caught the signs because in a certain sense accustomed to a couple crisis condition. Many couples get used to quarrels, misunderstandings, sometimes even physical and psychological abuse to the point of believing that whatever happens the relationship will not end
That is why, to win back your wife , it is not enough to leverage the sentiment that has been there, the shared experiences, the children , the sacrifices made by you during the relationship. Your wife had plenty of time to ponder the pros and cons associated with the end of the marriage. The aim is not, therefore, to make her think, but to regain her love and trust.
How to save the marriage
Without a careful analysis of your mistakes and what can be considered corrective actions of your way of being a wedding, you will not be saved.
For this you need to be honest with yourself, recognize your mistakes and understand the gesture of your wife.
Try to define an order for your responsibilities, for example: “my wife left because I was absent and I didn’t notice her”, or “my wife preferred to leave the house because she didn’t feel protected”, or my wife she left me because I cheated on her. As a result I have lost her trust, she no longer sees me as a man worthy of her love. Being clear about the reasons that led you to end the relationship is essential if you want to try to save the marriage.
Once the real reasons have been identified, action must be taken. If your wife has decided to close the bridges with the absent, lazy or unfaithful man who made her suffer, trying to beg her by telling him that you will change is not a winning strategy. The goal must be to change, to really do it, to become a new man . So you have to work on yourself to change the attitudes and thought patterns that prompted you to create the conditions for the end of your relationship.
It is never easy to change, especially when you don’t know how to do it. In most cases it is believed to have a personality that can be filed in its negative elements but nothing more. This is an error of assessment, the pain you are feeling is reminding you of who you are losing and that if you want to rebuild a relationship you must commit yourself.
You can become a better person if you only desire it, but the desire must be intense, it must arise from within as a driving force, then nothing can stand in the way of who you are now and who you want to become. But remember, this is a slow process, you don’t have to hurry.
She no longer wants to see you? Write her a long letter explaining that you have finally understood her suffering and the reasons that have driven her away, make her understand how much you love her and convince her that you are capable of changing. Without forcing, leaving them all the time to reflect.
It would be useful to write in the letter: “if that’s what you want, I will respect your decision”. She must understand your sincere desire to change, but at the same time she must feel free to make her choices, without pressure of any kind, which would end up further distancing her.
My wife left me: what not to do
Trying to convince her to stay with you could make the situation worse. If he has decided to end the marriage , his reflections on your relationship are very likely to have lasted a long time. His is a well thought out decision: to simply tell her that she is wrong, citing a thousand logical reasons why the marriage should continue, is equivalent to telling her that she is reacting in a stupid and light way.
It’s also wrong to try everything in order not to be left behind. Avoid putting too much pressure on her: you would risk seeing her run away permanently in order never to return. She must understand that you respect her decision and that you fully understand it. In this way, you will ease the negative tensions and feelings arising from your breakup, creating a positive space in which to confront yourself.
Start working on your change right away . Rediscover the dormant male energy within you. Improve yourself, your social life, your way of relating with others and with your wife. To despair, to close oneself, to react with anger is useless, if not to create an ever higher wall between you two.
Whenever you are dealing with her, show her the progress you have made. Be kind and understanding, but also fleeting: in the famous letter, you have already told her that you still love her and that you are willing to change for her, there is no need to repeat it every time. Likewise, try to keep contacts with your wife to a minimum . Don’t let the message pass that you cannot live without her: make her miss you and make her feel free.
My wife left me for another
If your wife has fallen in love with another man , things between you probably haven’t worked for a long time. He managed to make her feel something he no longer felt with you: that passion, that affection, that mutual esteem, that sense of protection that had been missing in your relationship for some time.
I know, it’s painful, but if your wife left you for another, if she started a new relationship, you have to learn to let her go . The first thing to do is to accept what has happened and reduce relationships to the bare minimum, limiting them to practical things, such as issues relating to separation and children. L ‘ acceptance is the first step to move forward, but also the most difficult. It is useless to brood over the past, thinking “if things had gone differently my wife would not have left me”. What is done is done, there is no going back.
If your wife is happy with another man, your goal will be to achieve serenity in your turn and you will often find that this rediscovery can revive, in your now ex-wife, powerful feelings towards you again.