Opposites attract: legend or reality?
Opposites attract . Who knows how many times we have heard it repeated, or maybe we have told it to a friend who was looking for “love advice”. Yet it is still not clear whether it really is reality, a false myth, or something you want to convince at all costs. The truth is that perhaps this claim should be reviewed. Opposites might attract each other … at first.
A person with different characteristics from his own, initially can intrigue as it represents the novelty, something to explore, but this initial idyll moved by curiosity, soon tends to fade. So opposites sometimes attract, but only for a short time .
Indeed, it is almost impossible that they will be able to consolidate as a couple. No relationship between two very different people can really work. Think about friendships. How do you choose your friends? Based on affinities or differences?
Basically, your friendships are represented by people with whom you share interests, passions, ideas, goals, ways of thinking. These similarities mean that the bond that is created can last over time, and in love it is not that different.
There are no rules but wanting to venture, true love does not attract opposites, but similar people . Within certain terms in the couple one can be opposed but similar in other respects. What are the similarities between the partners that make the couple truly solid?
Shared values and objectives
In the relationship of a couple what allows longevity, it is not so much the interests in common, as much as the values and objectives that are shared .
If you love trekking or chess, it could be exciting to have a partner by your side who shares these same passions, but it is not as fundamental as it is to have founding values and common objectives. Only these can create a real solid foundation on which to build your relationship.
To look for one’s own values in another person, one must first identify them. To do this, one must ask oneself and ask oneself: what are my values? What are the ones I consider important for the relationship? The answer may seem simple and intuitive, in reality it is not at all. To help you get clear ideas, you may want to think about what you are looking for in a good friend. This will give you the measure of what is really for you, the important values.
And of course you will have to do the same thing with regards to objectives . These too need to be in line with those of your partner. For example, if your life goal is to get married and have children, and that of your partner to travel the world as a backpacker as a couple, as you can imagine, the discussions and the contrasts could be so strong as to distance rather than unite.
After taking this first step of self-awareness, you can start looking for the presence of the values that you have identified as important to you in the other person. Remember to pay close attention to the fact that the value that is important to you is indiscriminately shown with everyone at 360 °, in all contexts and not only towards you.
I try to explain myself better with an example.
Let’s say that the value you identify as important is respect. One evening, you go out for dinner, and at the restaurant your / your partner proves rude to the waiter. At this point, you may think that for him / her, the value of respect is not that deep-rooted. Showing off a certain value only with certain people, in fact, could simply be a comfortable situation .
“Maybe we’re too different”
Having said that, however, I want to break a spear in favor of the differences. When the relationship is consolidated, strong, and built on solid foundations, the differences can also represent a positive element , or something that can enrich the couple.
Remember that to deeply understand the person who is by your side, you need to spend time together. Make deep conversations, listen, and speak, especially about yourself. But talking about yourself, not in a self-centered way, but in a way that explains and clarifies what your life goals are, the values you are looking for in a possible partner.
We need to give the other person a clear idea of who we really are to understand from the first moments if there is compatibility. In doing so, there is no risk of wasting time with people who are too different from themselves and with whom, almost certainly, there will be no future. Clarifying the intent is important, especially when expectations about the potential couple are different.
Clearly articulate your needs, desires, projects, goals and values, otherwise you may attract the wrong people to you. The right person never comes at the right time, but comes when you are right. When you are ready to welcome it into your life. So, stop looking for the right person, and try to be the right person.