Take your life in hand and think positive
If things don’t go as we wish it is often our fault, of our way of dealing with situations and of the opinion we have of us. But life changes, situations change and we too can change and learn to take the right direction. Difficult? No, just follow some tricks and learn to believe in ourselves. Jordan B. Peterson, a Canadian psychologist, explains it to us in his bestseller 12 Rules for Life. An antidote to chaos.
Advertising message We start from a known assumption: if you consider yourself a person of little value, if you don’t believe in being able to make yourself heard, the others will probably also leave you little space to express yourself. If you know how to assert yourself assertively, express your opinion, take into account what your desires are with the belief that you have the right to make them happen, at least as much as others have, even the people around you will have esteem for you.
If things have not gone as far as you would have liked so far, it is very likely that you have only made a bad habit, and you must not continue to behave in this way.
Those who have suffered in the past are more exposed to suffering again because self-confidence is undermined and it is taken for granted that it will not be possible to escape unpleasant situations. The brain will not produce less serotonin, it will tend to become anxious and sad and you will be more inclined to withdraw rather than respond when situations require it.
In reality very often those who are able to bite are not required to do so. Being determined gives you many chances of not being attacked. Feeling stronger increases self-respect.
The circumstances change, if until yesterday you walked with your shoulders down, from today keep your shoulders straight and learn to give yourself a different image.
When our life proceeds normally, without jolts or unexpected events, we are in order. Otherwise chaos takes over.
In the order we are able to think long term, we are balanced, calm and happy.
In the order we have a trusted friend we can count on. In chaos this same friend deceived us. When this happens our whole world changes, even what we considered acquired changes and surprises. Your loving old dog can bite you one day, so a trusted friend can deceive you.
If we are friends with someone, this friendship must lead to us as much as it leads to the other. If this is not the case, we will end up being slaves to the other and the other will become our tyrant.
Order and chaos characterize every situation, in every situation there are things that we can foresee and others that escape us and we don’t understand.
In the long run, order may not be enough because there are new things to experiment and learn but chaos may be too much and may not be endured for a long time, so we must rest one foot on what we know and the other on what we are still exploring.
When you have a low self-esteem and your own value it is easier to settle for friendships that disappoint us because you think you don’t deserve more. Perhaps it is also a way to feel virtuous in confronting someone who is not, or useful to someone whom we believe (almost always erroneously) needs us. If we have friends that we would not like to see with our sister or son, why do we have to attend them?
If we decide to take care of ourselves we must respect ourselves. Learning to surround yourself with people who want our good, who have a positive effect on us, is not a selfish choice but a good decision.
Advertising message If you make a move that does not help you achieve your goals, it is a wrong move, you have to try something else. If you fail in something, try something else. Start with small changes. Sometimes it’s all the value system you’ve built that is wrong and it becomes necessary to tear it down and start over. It is a revolution which, as such, brings with it confusion and fear, but it is necessary. Perhaps you have refused a different point of view for too long and when you have decided to consider it you will have a big debt to pay with yourself. The mind wants to be rational and therefore deceives itself by hiding errors from itself. Ask yourself this question “Did what I wanted come true?”, If the answer is no, or your purpose or methods were wrong.
If your cards are always against you, maybe the game you are playing is rigged, maybe you yourself are rigging it without your knowledge, but don’t worry: there is not a single game that can be successful or failed.
Each person’s life revolves around different aspects, a job, a family, friends, interests … some games may be suitable for you and others may not. Perhaps, in considering yourself a failure, you are giving too much value to what is not a game suitable for you and you are underestimating others in which you succeed very well instead.
An example: that famous person that you admire so much for how he appears on TV, is an alcoholic, is depressed, uses drugs. Is your life so much better than yours?
Your enemy, in this case, is your “inner critic” who diminishes you with these comparisons by arbitrarily choosing a single field on which to make the comparison, acts as if that field was the only really important one and on that it compares you to someone which has had excellent results there.
Every life has personal conditions and hardly comparable to those of others. To define your value standards you must first be able to consider yourself a stranger and then get to know yourself.
The world is full of possibilities, perhaps you are unhappy because you cannot live what you want, but perhaps it is precisely because of what you want that you are unhappy. Maybe what could really make you happy is there at your fingertips, but you are looking elsewhere.