The boredom of the narcissist and the void
Children who develop a narcissistic personality disorder are believed to have experienced a fundamental break with their parents who subsequently attempt to repair by taking on narcissistic compensations . This disconnection can result from:
- Inconsistent or negligent care
- Psychological, physical or sexual emotional abuse
- Criticism or recurring judgment
- Fluctuation between idealization and devaluation
- Anxious oppression and overvaluation
- Rigid and superficial or unrealistic expectations
These children receive the message that loving them and taking care of them is unequivocally subject to conditions .
In the absence of parents who accept them adequately, who value them and who are empathetic with them, they experience disapproval of being themselves and / or approval to play a role .
They internalize a sense of guilt that conditions them and at the same time adopt a false identity that can be recognized and approved by their parents.
They will not develop emotional empathy or a balanced and realistic view of themselves and will remain emotionally disconnected in their future relationships. Whether they have narcissistic and completely devaluing parents or who are overrated for some skills that differ from their real interests and personalities, people who develop DNP (Narcissistic Eprsonality Disorder) experience a fundamental division between their real identity and culture. of their family .
They will endeavor to hide their true nature which causes them shame and embarrassment and will develop a replacement identity to seek approval at any cost and to avoid being judged.
DNP develops as a defensive adaptation in early childhood. If not properly diagnosed, it progresses into adolescence and structures into adulthood. Although it can become more pronounced in old age, it arises long before.
It is often said that people with DNP lack empathy but reality is more complicated and requires a more in-depth examination of what is meant by empathy. Contemporary psychology identifies three types of empathy:
It is about identifying the opinions and feelings of others. Drawing on our experiences and observations and combining this understanding with what we know about others, we come to imagine their emotional state .
We take their point of view without necessarily experiencing their emotions. Cognitive empathy can be abused when we use our understanding of the emotional state of others to manipulate it or harm the other mercilessly.
It involves sharing the feelings of the other. When you feel emotional or emotional empathy for others , you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and share their emotions. This allows you to establish an emotional connection.
Emotional empathy is misled when you let yourself be overwhelmed by it and the reaction can be rejection or being overwhelmed. In both cases, one’s needs insinuate themselves and block the possibility of empathizing with the other.
Compassionate empathy combines cognitive and emotional empathy to ensure real help to the other . Cognitive understanding and emotional connection allows you to consider what can be useful and try to provide help in the most appropriate way.
The boredom of the narcissist
Boredom is an aspect of everyone’s life but narcissists seem to be led to boredom and carelessness which becomes impatience and impulsiveness .
This is because they have a limited inner life , little interest in others, need immense attention to themselves and lack empathy for the feelings of others.
The continuous wavering between feelings of inadequacy and compensation , pretending to be what they are not, consumes their energies. Whether they feel worthless or on top of the world, they are obsessed with themselves.
This constant self-focus, coupled with low empathy, disconnects them from other people’s feelings and opinions. Narcissists not only do not feel interest in others, but regard others’ needs as obstacles to getting the attention they think they deserve. People bore and bother them unless they serve their need for approval.
In addition, the primitive emotional intelligence of a narcissist and the simplistic black or white thinking make them unable to grasp the nuances and complexity of emotions. Other people are seen more as shadows than as humans in themselves.
When others talk about whether they find them boring and irritating.
But when they are left alone, they face another boredom : their emptiness . What seems to be the fascination of themselves is a myopic need, their lack of inner resilience makes them dependent on others in search of that recognition that they are unable to give themselves.
Finally, boredom with oneself and others makes narcissists boring, detached, rigid, predictable, with restricted views . Every goal that the narcissist achieves loses its luster when compared with those of others and ceases to meet his expectations.
Not all people with DNP avoid commitment , many manage to have a job and a relationship but intimacy with others but prolonged attention is difficult to maintain as long-term relationships are often unstable and alienated .