The words and the best attitude to communicate with children
“There are two lasting things we can inherit from our children: roots and wings.” W. Hodding Carter
It often happens, that while communicating, the messages are not received according to expectations; it seems to move in two universes so different and distant! What can I do to make myself heard, how can I make my son more obedient? Can some words be more effective than others?
Communication, how to formulate the sentence
Formulate the sentences positively, asking to do a certain thing, and not just pointing out what you shouldn’t do.
What is usually the first reaction when a child is doing something you don’t like? Or when do you think he’s going to make a mess?
It is generally to say DO NOT DO ….
For example: if you think he is about to drop an object on the ground you will say: “be careful, do not throw … …”!
So where will your attention go? Just about what you’re asking him not to do.
Let’s do a little experiment: I ask you not to think at all about a dog that is driving a car.
besides your first reaction was probably to think about it, and the same happens for children. Beyond the strangeness of my request, our brain works just like that, don’t think, don’t do … it triggers the opposite behavior.
If we tell him not to do something, his attention will still go in that direction, and he will be more likely to do what we don’t want.
How to rephrase the sentence?
You will have to implement the desired behavior. In this case: “be careful, keep well ……. when you are finished put it down properly. ”
Furthermore, it must be added that children are extremely attracted to everything they cannot or should not do, therefore, pointing out this aspect only increases their interest in what is “prohibited”.
How to behave?
Shift the child’s attention to something else, to what he can actually do, to make him interesting, to stimulate his curiosity, in this way it will be much more likely not to make a mess.
Communicate, effective attitude
Try to praise and congratulate the little one when he is committed to doing something, regardless of success.
It is very important to always praise the commitment and not the result, so as to prevent the child from feeling loved and recognized only when he excels in something.
Examples of effective communication:
- Thanks for helping me collect the toys
- Bravo you worked really hard …
- You should be proud of yourself for …
In this way we will reinforce a desired behavior, we will favor the development of good self-esteem, and will be more likely to tent in the future to repeat the same positive behavior since it received recognition
for a child to the opinion of the parents is very important, to feel again every day positive and encouraging sentences, can only send him back a positive and good image of himself.
Communicate, criticism management
When necessary, criticize the child’s behavior and not his identity. Let me explain better: never say “you are stupid, you made the glass fall” In this case the child only receives the message you are stupid and does not associate it with that specific gesture.
Wrong phrases to never say
- Why do you always interrupt me while I speak? You are a very rude!
- Why did you drop that vase? You are such a mess!
These sentences imply a judgment towards the child, which if repeated over time will undermine his self-esteem.
By dint of being told that it is a rude or a disaster, the child will end up feeling and becoming really like this. And it is even worse if these criticisms are expressed in front of another person because in this way the child is also humiliated.
Communicate with children, effective language
Try to do it this way: explain that when it behaves in a certain way, this generates some discomfort in you then say calmly and with a smile how you would like it to behave. At the end also add a solution that is interesting for both.
Eg “When you interrupted me while I was talking to a guy, I no longer remembered what I had to say to him. If I hurry early without interruption we can do it together … ”
Speak in a confident, direct and relaxed tone.
In this way you will not affect the child’s self-esteem, on the contrary, he will also be more inclined to collaborate with you and listen to your requests.