What story can you transform to be happy?
Our experience is literally determined by the idea we have of life: we invent stories about the world and we largely live the plots. The shape of our life depends to a considerable extent on the script that we have consciously, or more likely unconsciously, chosen .
What effect does reading this have on you?
For many people, this is a radical change of perspective.
All of us have received conditioning since childhood, and this without a doubt is also what has allowed us to adapt to everything we are currently experiencing: studying, having a job, relationships.
Yet – if as a child we did not have the opportunity to experience our true self – the risk is great, so much so that we can lead ourselves to adopt a mode of hyper-adaptation to the needs of others, putting our self-realization into the background.
The child and the human being in general have an enormous ability to adapt to relational contexts, if on the one hand this can be a good on the other it represents a pattern that can generate a deep sense of:
- absence of objectives.
The result is to live an unhappy or less happy life than we could have.
This process has sometimes dramatic effects and can lead to depression and other psychological problems characterized by a sense of:
- lack of possibilities
- learned impotence.
Each story generates and eliminates possibilities
It is therefore the stories that people give of their existence that determine both the attribution of meaning to the experience and the selection of the aspects of the experience to express.
Each life is an interweaving of events, characters, roles, scenarios, decisions made, allies, enemies.
What is fundamental in this vision of life is the fact that the creative role – of director and screenwriter – can only belong to ourselves.
This way of seeing the flow of one’s own life requires one of the most courageous and in some ways revolutionary choices that every woman and every man can make: a profound act of responsibility towards themselves .
It is a promise of unconditional trust in ourselves and in our generative power.
Finding out which narrative trapped you means being able to become free.
That is, being able to act creatively.
Seeing the story you’ve moved into so far means being able to break its frame and change the boundaries of your possibilities.
It is clear: not everything is transformable, but starting to feel a greater power of intervention on reality to our advantage, can really make a difference!
What story do you have to get rid of to be happy?
What story are you?
Which story do you feel you want to dis-identify from?
What are the implicit or explicit requests that were made to you years ago that you adapted to because you could not do otherwise to be seen, considered, listened to?
Are you still carrying them around?
How do they affect your current relationships?
In what ways have you compromised yourself?
What is the recurring role that in many relationships you have put in place often getting hurt?
Which map do you use to give meaning to the world?
What if I could change it?
Is being happy a mirage inside your script?
Which maze is keeping you from being happy?
There is no prison narrower than one’s beliefs.
Everything depends on them and their history is written around them.
You can start with self-reflection to identify the premises that keep you so far from being happy .
I’ll list some of them as an example.
- They say I’m not doing well, there must be something wrong with me
- I am not worth as much as the others
- It is impossible that my anger could become something good
- If I rebel, I will no longer be loved
- Better not to be misjudged and make me feel good, rather than really listening to my needs and desires having everyone against
- My sensitivity is my vulnerability
- I will never be able to fully feel my emotions
- I will always take the anger with me for being humiliated, abandoned, betrayed, this anger can get to really hurt others, so I keep everyone away
- Relationships are insidious
- Nobody really understands me, I might as well be satisfied
- The sense of duty is my destiny
- I deserve to experience all these guilt feelings
- The constant waivers lead me to lower my self-esteem even more , but I can’t do otherwise.
Archetypal psychology discovers hidden behavior patterns
In the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche *****for example, Psyche’s first task was to divide a huge pile of different seeds by dividing them into separate piles. The initial reaction to this test, as well as to the next three, was despair. I noticed that this myth was well suited to some patients, dealing with several important tasks. One of them, a university student, felt helpless in front of an exam because she didn’t know how to organize the vastness of the subject. Another was a depressed young mother, struggling with the problem of finding out where her time was going, what the order of priorities was for her and how she could continue painting. Like Psyche, these two women were called to a task which, while in line with the choices made, was more than they felt capable of doing.
It is not simple and it is not easy
This change of perspective, that is, starting to see the story of your life really as a story that can therefore be transformed and change direction, is not simple: it is a process that you are probably not used to.
This change of course is not rapid, it requires commitment and responsibility in wanting to play deeply in a path of psychotherapy.
Having denied your real needs for a long time can originate in a distant time of your personal history, for example in the event that as a child your family environment has invalidated your feelings and emotions , establishing implicit rules on what I could or could not try, could or could not say. These are cases in which, expressing one’s psychological distress – in particular sadness or anger – means for the child to anger the parent, provoke his estrangement or suffer punishment