Your parents aren’t gods (and neither are you)
The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to go on without them.Frank A. Clark
Often the cause of our low self-esteem is to be found in the past.
Not only in the psychological traumas that must be addressed with the help of a specialist in the sector but in simple events that can be carefully revisited .
In fact, as children we are not very aware, indeed, we should say that we are not at all.
The awareness among other things, is like respect, it is not acquired by divine will or due to age, it must be cultivated, lived and deliberately increased, just as I explained in the article dedicated to how to be respected.
As I often repeat on the blog, being aware allows us to live with truly open eyes.
However very often we do not apply awareness by turning it to our past : let’s see what I mean.
Awareness back in time
As I said, we are enormously influenced by our experience, since the present ourselves is the sum of all our past .
Leaving something dormant back in time could undermine our foundations by making us waver in the present.
This is especially true when it comes to our self-esteem.
Very often, in fact, as children, our self-esteem suffers hard blows, not necessarily due to showy psychological traumas, but to simple events assessed incorrectly .
As children, in fact, we classify the actions of adults, especially our parents, in an equivocal and often harmful way.
We see our family members almost like gods and if we are scolded and scrambled we blame all of ourselves.
But that’s not the case at all.
Our parents are not gods, they are normal people who have made mistakes in the past.
Often they were inexperienced twentysometers or thirties who tried to do their best with their children , sometimes succeeding and sometimes not.
For this reason, we must not allow this distorted view of our past to interfere with our present.
We need to reevaluate the events of our past that we still remember and see them in light of the awareness we have as adults .
Unlock self-esteem in the past
Releasing self-esteem from one’s past is also a vital step in my Self-esteem Vera course, where, among other things, I give a practical example by telling a very personal event from my childhood.
To unlock the self-esteem that we have lost in our past as children, we must re-evaluate many events that we have experienced.
It doesn’t matter if we don’t perceive that particular event as traumatic or seemingly irrelevant, by analyzing it we can properly reevaluate ourselves .
Take a few minutes to think: do you remember an event in which you were scolded or in which you felt guilty?
Reevaluate it with your mind, with awareness and with the wisdom of the present.
For example, suppose that at age 7 you infuriated your parents and consequently was severely scrambled.
You obviously acted like a kid, but what did your parents do?
Probably, indeed certainly, they tried to do the best they could in a situation of stress and work problems that we did not know and maybe they exaggerated .
The fact is that all the decisions they made were not necessarily correct: they were not gods .
Imagine them as simple 20-year-olds who tried to struggle to be parents , perhaps stressed and upset by work.
Maybe just like you are today.
Building self-esteem starting from memories
Do you realize what it means to reevaluate such events?
Do you understand what it might mean to apply an adult’s awareness to his or her childhood version ?
Obviously it is a very powerful tool that can considerably increase the confidence we have in ourselves.
Here is step by step how we can do it:
- Find any event from your past
- Mentally relive what happened without making judgments and without making observations
- Try to remember what emotions you experienced
- Review this event with the mentality and awareness of an adult person
Obviously this simple exercise touches the tip of the iceberg, if you really want to increase your self-esteem by also using these strategies, the True Self-Esteem course can be of great help: on the way I expose a quick and fun system to easily fetch our memories.
Remember that the statement: your parents (ours) are not gods, they do not authorize us to hate them or to rage against them.
It means reevaluating our past for what it is, for what it has always been but that we misinterpreted as children.
PS I use the term gods to indicate infallible deities, although the ancient gods were certainly not an example to follow, on the contrary, it seems they still had a lot to learn.